Forgive and forget?

My heart is pretty heavy today, happenings of the last week have wounded me; re-opening old wounds. Through this journey into the past, I realized a few things; forgiveness is harder to do in completion than we think, and forgetting is easier, isn't it? Well, apparently not.

 I had all of these feelings put away in little boxes and tied with black bows. They looked tidy and I thought that they effectively closed chapters in my life book. I had many justifiable but negative emotions that I tried not to feel post-adoption, I had a very dear friend who let me talk through the pain and the betrayals and I looked at the two new daughters in my care and I tried to let go. For their sake, for my family's sake. I HAD two daughters, not the two we originally set out to adopt, but my feeling was;  if they were meant to be ours, nothing would have stopped that from occurring. I had to believe both precious girls were with the families intended for them all along.  The two beloved daughters in my care were meant to be mine. I was able to pray for the other families and be grateful they gave the two girls I loved from afar a family. It did not happen overnight, but it happened.

Let it go, move on, but does anything ever go away completely, I learned this week that sometimes it does not, nor should it, I guess.  How can we grow and improve ourselves if we do not allow the hard times to define us as much as the good ones?

I saw this week that anger, even if it is justifiable feeds on the soul like the cancer it is, and it can change how a person views the world. It shapes every interaction because it consumes every fiber of our being. If you are living in anger, it is so hard to feel love.