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Dad, Mom, and baby Meghan

Dad, Mom, and baby Meghan

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10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes you knew

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Grumpy mommy

The last couple of days have been me in grumpy mommy mode, with my three youngest just doing everything they can to get into trouble. For the highlights; breaking numerous things, I just threw the items away instead of thinking about how to fix them, spraying sisters in the eye with “safe” carpet cleaner (Meghan to Kara, rinse, rinse rinse), pooping and deciding to paint themselves with it and then decorating to floor too (Amanda).

Then there were the two electronic devices that were put into a sink full of water (Kara),they still work, the numerous dollies and stuffies I find in the same sink, see Kara is confused, she thinks her toys, cups, bowls, and trash can only go in two places; the trash or the kitchen sink. Often the bowls are in the trash and the toys are in the sink. Giggling Elmo did not appreciate the kitchen sink, but it was far better than the toilet, and how many times can a electronic toy be immersed in water and disinfected?

Kara and Amanda got into the dogs water bucket outside, both of them smelled like wet dog, such a glorious stench! Amanda thinks it is such good sport to throw cat food all over the floor, or kitty litter, dear heavens, yuck. She seeks it out and giggles in joy as the smelly pieces fly.

Kara throws everything and I do mean EVERYTHING, and mommy has just had it, do you think they know I am tired and that is why they are being bratty? At first I patiently deal with it, (redirection, redirection, redirection) but there comes a point where I yell, yes, YELL, “STOP DOING THAT”, I know I flunk parenting 101 every time I resort to raising my voice, and it only makes the girls sad, and it does not stop the offense they were yelled at for. This week I am just fed up with the constant supervision, never being able to just relax and have peace and quiet for even 5 minutes. My girls can create a huge mess in seconds, it is an art form for them, if you have young children; you know what I mean.

So in the midst of chaos, my son Brian and I giving baths and cleaning up the poo off the floor (Brian is the girls new respite worker, and this week was his first week, and did he ever earn his pay!) the phone rings, it is my dearest friend, she is very familiar with my two youngest girls fondness for playing in poo, as I have had to hang up dozens of times to clean up somewhere, usually the wading pool, and can I say ICKY POO. Cleaning up poo all the time is not my favorite pastime. So I tell her we are having quite a morning, and my son is learning quite quickly how fast his sisters can turn calm seas into a tsunami. As I am telling her about the morning she says it, the dreaded phrase I just hate hearing: “You know what, you are a saint”. Oh no, OH NO, I surely am not, and she says very sweetly “You are one to me”.

I hear this so often; you are a saint, an angel, one of God’s angels and so on and I am not, I am imperfect and challenged and trying my best not to drop the ball. Now I know these folks mean well, but to quote a line from Julie and Julia; “Stop calling me a saint, it just makes me feel like an a**hole”.

I am not anything near a saint, and it does make me feel small every single time a stranger or close friend says it to me. It implies I am Godly and kind, understanding, and patient, and while I can sometimes be those things, I am also frazzled and grumpy.

Being the mom of children who learn everything SLOWLY, need a lot of repetition and don’t exercise good judgment (hey, isn’t that most kids?) can be draining, there are days I wait impatiently for my husband to come home so he can take the reins, and I can have some peace, but ladies, you all know, you still have to do half of everything anyway, right? My favorite times are when my sweet hubby takes all three little girls shopping so I can just sit and enjoy the quiet. Then an hour later I miss everyone, LOL. I need a mom myself, one who will come and tell me to go to the store, hands me $50 and pushes me out the door, because I never leave this house. I am suffering from too much weight and too little clothing because nothing fits, I wear the same three things over and over again and I am so tired of them and being overweight, another reason I need to get out, I miss my exercise classes!

So Brian can come and help with his sisters now, and mommy needs to learn that she can leave them here and go someplace else instead of staying home and trying to get laundry done while he watches his sisters, someone has to watch my busy rascals while I am outside, they just get into too much trouble otherwise. It is a tremendous help to have him here to do that, but come on, it is not fun for me, its housework!

My goal FOR MYSELF is to find a gym I like, enroll and get out 3X a week to a class. It will solve my weight issue (in two years LOL), my need to interact with people who can converse with me, and it will be time away from my little girls, which will make all the poo and repetition OK, or that is my hope. I suppose I can also walk around the track at the park and that is free, but I need to be around other adults too.

I have forgotten how important it is for moms to have time alone, it has been 2 1/2 years since I was away from home during the day and it was not for a doctor’s appointment or an evaluation for one of the little girls. I knew I would sacrifice my personal free time when we decided to adopt Kara and Amanda, and we also school Meghan at home (Kara and Amanda are enrolled in on-line charter school Kindergarten for the fall too), which is very stressfull and is blessedly done for the summer, Yay!! However this week has shown me that I cannot pour from an empty vessel and it is time for me to take better care of myself. It will make everyone happier I am sure, because this week, I did not like myself, not at all.


GoldenAngelsWorks said...

Oh Kris. How I wish I lived closer. I definitely know how trapped you felt this week. I have had 2 kids home sick throwing up and whining. I so want 5 mins to myself or with another adult. Yeah my kids can converse but when they are sick that goes out the door.

Not looking forward to this summer....

Love ya girl.

Stephanie said...

{{HUGS}} to you!

Tara said...

I hear ya. Especially, the saint comment. Yikes! I hate that. Yes, get yourself out of that house doing something that refreshes and recharges you! You need it every bit as much as the family needs clean clothes and meals. Make it a priority!

Beth said...

I really hope that you do actually allow time for yourself. Creating a reservoir within yourself will really help all areas of your life.
The tedium and repetition of life with young children can erode so much joy.
Have you considered a book club? Or movie club? I cannot survive without my monthly Mom's Night Out with friends. The escape is essential! I'm a much better mother when I get a break every now and then.

Beautiful artwork featuring children

Such a beautiful Video

I have a voice

Gifts video